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The Second Half

Q: What do you call 53 millionaires watching the Super Bowl on TV together?

A: The Minnesota Vikings





The goddamn heat went out in my old fashioned car this week, and when you add that to the list of things that are no longer working, I swear, I'll be driving a frame and an engine soon with a nice stereo. So, now I'm looking at other options. If I had an ounce of impulse I would have driven straight to Phoenix yesterday after driving to work in 11 degree temps with a morgue-cold body, frozen hands, and running the A/C to stop the windows from fogging up, and traded the old fashioned car for a new all wheel drive Subaru WRX hatchback or a Mazdaspeed 3. Hey - if you're gonna go for power, go big. Good thing I'm a practical sack who can't pull the trigger....Probably saved myself $325/month. Which, turns out, was a great decision because we just signed a deal with THIS COMPANY who will provide full carbon frames or complete bikes at a price that I just can't resist. My car will be fiiiiinnne!

Storm into the New Year like my name is El Nino……January features a new hotel management software installation that invariably brings a bucket load of issues due to human error. Our “owner’s weekend” is on the 23^rd and 24^th – where I get to pontificate, insinuate, and proliferate Don King-style the plusses and minuses of a tumultuous year where everyone’s profits are……..surprise! down. I can’t wait for that speech. I’ll need a 3” thick layer of Right Guard so I don’t pit out my pretty-boy Banana Republic shirt, which by the way will be selected based on the need to impress and intimidate, with of course cool undertones to calm the group. So corporate, so staged, so….. I sure hope it goes well.

11 days until the mountain bike state series starts and I still haven’t ridden in over a month. You can always pick out the Flagstaff riders in the crowd. We have white legs, white faces, no fitness, and most importantly – no expectations. We take our respective place at the starting line…by securing a back row spot, and once the gun goes off we race too hard trying to be competitive, then cramp up mid-way, and then gimp back to the finish well out of contention. You have to have a hole in your head to want to do this through March when you actually start competing.

I hate our state series because it’s geared towards desert dwellers. Of course when there are 3 million people in Phoenix and 1 million in Tucson versus 50,000 in Flagstaff….that’s what you get. In every other state series – the playing field is level because the climate is the same across the state. ‘Sconsin features the best series out there that starts in May and ends in October. Everyone trains in the Spring (well, those that want to win), and they all hit the start line with the same training opportunities. Ah well, time to shut up and ride.

I just booked a ski vacation for President’s Day Weekend in Durango, CO. It’ll be the first time I get Lyza in ski school for two straight days and I hope the sport consumes her. She, like most kids, wants to start on a snowboard, but I’m being the A-hole Dad and making her start on skis. That’s how I learned dammit, so that’s how she’ll learn. Nice – I sound like a workaholic, alcoholic, stuck in my ways, flat-top sportin’, black socks when I mow the lawn wearin’, American car drivin’ 1960’s dad.

Logging a little ice time on Lake Mary. The ice was smoother than a baby's bottom!

72 hours from now the Minnesota Vikings will be on their home field playing the Philadelphia Eagles in round one of the NFL playoffs. The Eagles are favored. Being a Viking fan since I was old enough to understand football has given me enough calluses to endure a 17-16 last-second win, a 55-0 loss, or anything in between.

The Vikes resemble a football sized Chimichanga in every way. Each season I order one up with colossal enthusiasm.........and while it tastes great at first, in the end it always leaves me with a feeling like I just swallowed a whole lotta crap. Then, my gut aches for a few hours afterwards. I know it’s not good for me, but I keep coming back every year for that Chimichanga with a six pack of Hope, delusions of Destiny, and a wheelbarrow full of Faith. What the…? Why the….do I do this!? The truth is, you might see Hope, Destiny and Faith at a St. Paul strip club, but you won’t see or feel them very often watching the Vikes play. You have a much better chance of meeting the triplets; Anguish, Angst, and Anger.

My good friend James Scott Kersten and I were discussing how we sometimes feel that as soon as we start watching the Vikes play, they fumble, throw an interception, get a stupid penalty, or miss a field goal. Then, instinctively, you have to walk away from the TV and maybe check back after 15 minutes to see if they turned things around. It really is better not to watch. My “colorful” (read: obnoxious and controlling) Mom then pointed out something to the tune of “You guys really think that their performance has anything to do with YOU?” “Like YOU guys make a difference?” “Get over yourselves.” Thanks Mom. You're right. I needed that slap on the head.

I can’t even explain my affinity for them other than tradition - I grew up watching and waiting for them to win a Super Bowl and I can't break this apparent life-long connection. I feel like a shameless, hopeless, pathetic, horror-enduring, misguided, “wait ‘till next season”, Cubs fan. OK, it isn’t THAT bad. Cubs fans.....I'm surprised they all didn't slit their wrists last October - then again, they are used to it.

Man, I hope the Vikes win on Sunday.