Q: What do you call 53 millionaires watching the Super Bowl on TV together?

A: The Minnesota Vikings





The goddamn heat went out in my old fashioned car this week, and when you add that to the list of things that are no longer working, I swear, I'll be driving a frame and an engine soon with a nice stereo. So, now I'm looking at other options. If I had an ounce of impulse I would have driven straight to Phoenix yesterday after driving to work in 11 degree temps with a morgue-cold body, frozen hands, and running the A/C to stop the windows from fogging up, and traded the old fashioned car for a new all wheel drive Subaru WRX hatchback or a Mazdaspeed 3. Hey - if you're gonna go for power, go big. Good thing I'm a practical sack who can't pull the trigger....Probably saved myself $325/month. Which, turns out, was a great decision because we just signed a deal with THIS COMPANY who will provide full carbon frames or complete bikes at a price that I just can't resist. My car will be fiiiiinnne!

Storm into the New Year like my name is El Nino……January features a new hotel management software installation that invariably brings a bucket load of issues due to human error. Our “owner’s weekend” is on the 23^rd and 24^th – where I get to pontificate, insinuate, and proliferate Don King-style the plusses and minuses of a tumultuous year where everyone’s profits are……..surprise! down. I can’t wait for that speech. I’ll need a 3” thick layer of Right Guard so I don’t pit out my pretty-boy Banana Republic shirt, which by the way will be selected based on the need to impress and intimidate, with of course cool undertones to calm the group. So corporate, so staged, so….. I sure hope it goes well.

11 days until the mountain bike state series starts and I still haven’t ridden in over a month. You can always pick out the Flagstaff riders in the crowd. We have white legs, white faces, no fitness, and most importantly – no expectations. We take our respective place at the starting line…by securing a back row spot, and once the gun goes off we race too hard trying to be competitive, then cramp up mid-way, and then gimp back to the finish well out of contention. You have to have a hole in your head to want to do this through March when you actually start competing.

I hate our state series because it’s geared towards desert dwellers. Of course when there are 3 million people in Phoenix and 1 million in Tucson versus 50,000 in Flagstaff….that’s what you get. In every other state series – the playing field is level because the climate is the same across the state. ‘Sconsin features the best series out there that starts in May and ends in October. Everyone trains in the Spring (well, those that want to win), and they all hit the start line with the same training opportunities. Ah well, time to shut up and ride.

I just booked a ski vacation for President’s Day Weekend in Durango, CO. It’ll be the first time I get Lyza in ski school for two straight days and I hope the sport consumes her. She, like most kids, wants to start on a snowboard, but I’m being the A-hole Dad and making her start on skis. That’s how I learned dammit, so that’s how she’ll learn. Nice – I sound like a workaholic, alcoholic, stuck in my ways, flat-top sportin’, black socks when I mow the lawn wearin’, American car drivin’ 1960’s dad.

Logging a little ice time on Lake Mary. The ice was smoother than a baby's bottom!

72 hours from now the Minnesota Vikings will be on their home field playing the Philadelphia Eagles in round one of the NFL playoffs. The Eagles are favored. Being a Viking fan since I was old enough to understand football has given me enough calluses to endure a 17-16 last-second win, a 55-0 loss, or anything in between.

The Vikes resemble a football sized Chimichanga in every way. Each season I order one up with colossal enthusiasm.........and while it tastes great at first, in the end it always leaves me with a feeling like I just swallowed a whole lotta crap. Then, my gut aches for a few hours afterwards. I know it’s not good for me, but I keep coming back every year for that Chimichanga with a six pack of Hope, delusions of Destiny, and a wheelbarrow full of Faith. What the…? Why the….do I do this!? The truth is, you might see Hope, Destiny and Faith at a St. Paul strip club, but you won’t see or feel them very often watching the Vikes play. You have a much better chance of meeting the triplets; Anguish, Angst, and Anger.

My good friend James Scott Kersten and I were discussing how we sometimes feel that as soon as we start watching the Vikes play, they fumble, throw an interception, get a stupid penalty, or miss a field goal. Then, instinctively, you have to walk away from the TV and maybe check back after 15 minutes to see if they turned things around. It really is better not to watch. My “colorful” (read: obnoxious and controlling) Mom then pointed out something to the tune of “You guys really think that their performance has anything to do with YOU?” “Like YOU guys make a difference?” “Get over yourselves.” Thanks Mom. You're right. I needed that slap on the head.

I can’t even explain my affinity for them other than tradition - I grew up watching and waiting for them to win a Super Bowl and I can't break this apparent life-long connection. I feel like a shameless, hopeless, pathetic, horror-enduring, misguided, “wait ‘till next season”, Cubs fan. OK, it isn’t THAT bad. Cubs fans.....I'm surprised they all didn't slit their wrists last October - then again, they are used to it.

Man, I hope the Vikes win on Sunday.

Uh Oh….the 2009 AZ mountain bike race series starts in 17 days. I haven’t tossed a leg over a top tube except for a handful of times over the last six weeks and counting. Got my mind on my snowboard and my snowboard on my mind – what can I say? This is the thing that sucks about our AZ series – it’s geared (no pun intended) towards Phoenix and Tucson residents. They train their asses off Oct through December and are ready to rip in January. Us northern boys…….we pretty much get our behinds kicked until May and then kick the flatlanders to the curb for the final race of the series in Flagstaff in early June.

I don't have any pipedreams for the 2009 series. I'll be in a very competitive singlespeed category where the top 10 guys are consistently fast. Maybe by May I'll be near the top 5, so I'll put that out there so there's some accountability - and a reason to ride an indoor trainer in January. By July, I'll bring my A-game to Wisconsin for a 24 hour duo with Ace. Ain't goin' home without hardware. No how, no way even if we're pukin' up Accelerade at 6am. Then it's off to Big Steve's cabin (did I clear that with you yet Steve?) for a few days of legs-up chillin.

Left the house @ 5:15am, and as far as I know, the only other person on the road then is Big Steve. ‘Cept instead of driving to work, I was headed for a hike up the Bowl. The hike was tough today because I felt worthless and weak, but I made it up by 7am and took another 15 minutes to traverse the upper bowl in search of fresh powder. It didn’t look good – Strapped on the board and headed down. Other than about a 400 yard section, everything was pretty tracked out and crusty. Once I got to the groomed slopes the snow was nice so I just carved fast turns until I ran out of snow at the parking lot. We get more snow this weekend, so I’ll try and get back up on Sunday morning.

Me, D, & Lyza are all headed down to the 10:00pm ‘pinecone’ drop @ 10:00pm tonight. They do an early drop for kids. To be honest with you, that’s about as late as I want to stay up. Be safe everyone…Don’t be Sir Charles tonight.

“Chris, I’m gonna be honest witcha’”

What the hell is it with this lead in to no less than maybe 20 conversations I had last week? Sure, a guy from Philly probably was responsible for 10 of those lead in’s, but this little “I’ll be honest with you” thing is becoming a farce. When people say it now, I kind of crack a smile and I had one guy say “did I say something funny?” I wanted to tell him, in fact my gut was burning to tell him what I thought was funny, but I didn’t – he was a guest.

I now assume that everything somebody tells me that doesn’t start with “I’ll be honest with you” is a lie. And guess what – that’s a pretty accurate statement. Especially in this business. Christmas Holiday complaints include:

· My skylight is leaking like a river!
To be honest witcha, you couldn’t fill a pitcher of water from it over 48 hours
· All of the heaters in my house don’t work!
To be honest witcha, it’s already 80 degrees but my kids want to wear new shorts
· We’re out of hot water – this is unacceptable!
To be honest witcha, we snuck 4 kids into the house and the hot water is gone
· The Lions are the worst franchise and team in the history of pro sports!
True, that is all too True, Fisher…..

I mean, aside from the anomaly above, how am I supposed to believe anybody anymore? I can't wait for January so we can get through the holidays and "this wretched year".

So I'm hiking up the slopes at the crack of smack AM and it takes me a full hour to catch two guys on skis who were skinning up to telemark down. I worked way too hard in my effort to catch them on foot - only 30 yards from the summit mind you - but I'm glad I did. After a few introductions at the top, I come to find out that one of the guys is a hand surgeon -and he happens to be Dr. Durham, who fixed my wrist back in 1997. Small world.

His expertise has allowed me to continue riding mountain bikes after a bad crash - pain free. I LOVE this guy.

Turns out he's already skinned up 8 times this winter.....damn, the mountain was only ready to ski down maybe 13 days ago. So tell me this, he makes bank, has a family, does complicated hand surgery and finds time to spend over 16 hours on the mountain over the last couple of weeks? How do I get me one of those jobs? Oh yeah - have natural talent, apply myself at an early age, and have a goal of what I want to do with my life. Whoops! I blew that one. Guess I better start working on that soon. I've barely made the time to get up the mountain twice and my job ain't 1/10th as complicated as his. Good on ya Dr. Durham. I love you, man.

The lifts were still

Trees dusted white

Moon above

White clouds below

The sun creeps up

but not enough

It's dawn

It's cold

Layin' down first track

Powder in the trees

Up to my knees

I'll be back

Merry Christmas from Flagstaff, Arizona

CB, DB, and Lyza B

My 41st B-day came and went last week like everything else in life – fast. It was a good day capped with cards, cash, and a coupla’ gifts from the girls. Lyza B got me a new pair of sunglasses that I had bought for myself on E-Bay, and D hooked me up with some nice new skivvies. Ellen managed to get my birthday card signed by a dubious list of B-list celebs like Swayze, Kip Winger, Brett Favre, Floyd Landis, Mariah Carey, Erykah Badu, Kid Rock, and A-listers Al Pacino and Keanu Reeves. It was a hilarious card that probably took her a while to assemble – thanks Sheck!

My planned hike up and down in the powder didn’t happen last Wednesday. Too many snowdays, and getting behind at work forced me to skip that attempt. However, we’re getting another 7-10 inches tonight and you can bet that I’ll be at the base of the resort at 5:45am (thank you Subaru). I did manage to hike up on opening day - Saturday morning - to the base of the upper bowl (11,500 feet) and was rewarded with some nice corduroy groomers to get those first choppy turns out of my system. Half way down I was feelin’ groovy and throwing down some deep carves until I got cocky, caught an edge, and went down like a sixer in a trailer park. Ouch – that one hurt. Dusted the snow off and continued on with more respect for the lower half of the run. Based on the tracks, I was the second person down that morning.

Yesterday, out of internal angst, I tried snowshoe ‘running’ last night having spent most of the day Christmas shopping and doing stuff around the house. It was a good workout, but not one that I could see myself getting into. It feels like a slogging death march, and there’s no high speed reward when you come downhill. D would laugh if I even suggested that I ‘ran’ in snowshoes because she knows how much I have gotten away from running except if a neighbor kid is talking trash – then I’ll giddyup and whoop his ass.

41? Just a number baby. So long as I’m still winning snowball fights, playing video games with my girl, and acting immature I’m in a good place.

3 Snowdays and a 2 hour delay

What a week. 24" of snow, Lyza is out of school for three days, plus a 10am start this morning. I can recall a few back to back snowdays in Minnesota growing up, but we never had a trifecta. Let's just say I'm a little behind at work, but, I should be able to make it up this weekend.

Have you seen this?

Snowbowl opens tomorrow with a 50+ inch base, yeah baby, game on. Time to put the mountain bike on ice.

From Bill Simmons: If I had told you in June that Brett Favre would make the Pro Bowl as a Jet and Aaron Rodgers would lead the Pack to a 5-9 record, including an 0-6 mark in games decided by four points or fewer, you would have responded, "And this was followed by Packers fans rioting all over Wisconsin, setting off cheese curd fires, littering the streets with dark beer and hanging themselves with XXXXXL replica Favre jerseys, right?" Nope. Not even close.

My own worst enemy

OK – starting at 12:00pm today, the National Weather Service is saying that we should expect 15-30 inches of snow in 24 hours, plus another 2-4 through Thursday. I drove the Subaru today, and left the rear wheel drive old fashioned car in the driveway as it would never make it back up the hill.

I missed the group of dudes who were headed to Sedona at 9:00am….so 1:15pm on Saturday afternoon and I am out the door. 32x19 so I have a little extra spin for this late season climbing finale, plenty of gear/layers, and unknowingly, a Camelback full of dogwater. Never start a ride with dogwater. I filled up a 110oz reservoir for this estimated 3.5 hour fun fest that hadn’t been filled in months – and it must have had some dust and funk in it because the water had this nasty, semi-solid, backflow sorta taste. D noticed it first when I crossed her path on her way back down from a trail run.

She had furiously chucked her water bottle at a dog she was running with to stop it from running back to the car. The stubborn old dog made a beeline for the prison fence about 3 miles into a run, but got caught by Warden Hard Ass D. She said “I wasn’t going to let this little shit wreck my run”. 8 miles was the plan…that dog hadn’t run 8 miles in a looooong time. At 5’ 3” D appears slight in stature, but don’t f*ck with her workouts. That dog learned her lesson. The owner had a 50/50 horrified – smiling look on her face when told of the incident, but was cool about it – I think.

Anyway, D took a sip of my water since hers was gone, and just about spit it out. Dogwater. I’ve tasted nastier water before, but only from the City of Phoenix faucets. Anyway – onward. The climb from my house to the top of Sunset Trail is about 8 miles, and about 1,800 feet. Once at the top, it was a snowstorm with around 2” of snow on the ground and more coming down. Traction was still fabu, but it was getting’ cold so I plummeted back down to 7,000 feet to the North side of Mt. Elden where the snow turned to flurries but it wasn’t sticking. Singletrack, sand, singletrack, rocks, and not a soul out there…..it was a great section of trail. The last part of the ride really took me down though. Two-track jeep road into a steady 30mph wind with some bigger gusts. I was standing and pushing that gear as hard as I cold at what felt like 4mph.

Almost exactly 3 and ½ hours later I rolled home and the euphoric feeling of a great ride was quickly washed over by dehydration, and exposure to the wind/cold. I had maybe downed 30-40 ounces max of that crapwater, a bar and a gel. Muscle aches, headache, and just a general “I feel like shit” kicked in. Plus my hot tub was about 5 degrees below optimal because I cleaned it earlier in the day….major white guy problems going on. The prescription for this was filled at Casa Bonita. A huge plate of enchiladas/beans/rice, 100 oz of beer and water, and a bowl of chips/salsa. By 8:30 I was feeling human again. That’s it for the riding season in Flag. With this snowfall tonight, we won’t see trail until March/April. It’s been a great season. Time to take the bike apart, clean-grease-repair-upgrade and fire it back up in a couple of weeks down in Sedona.

Snow day tomorrow – for sure. I’m sure I’ll drag Lyza down to work to shovel snow for a few hours and then we’ll head for the hills and do some sledding.

Got me a new baby Niece!

Callie Danielle Sulger was born last night 'round abouts 8:30pm. My sister and little Callie are doing great. 9lb 4oz. My sister grows 'em big. So of course I started thinking of nicknames right away.

Goin' Back to Callie
Callie D
(insert your nickname here)

Pics to follow, although all smashed head kids pretty much look the same. pink skin, dark hair...you know the drill.

Squirty and I are going to make many dozens of christmas cookies tonight and deliver 'em tomorrow 'round town. The snow should be falling from Saturday afternoon through the next five days. I may be able to skin up to the top of the Snowbowl on my birthday next week and get a huge powder run in. I've only snowshoed up and boarded down 2000+ vert of powder once. It took 3 hours to climb up, and the 10 minute ride down was like being on a magic carpet. Could I get that lucky? Maybe!

Best to my Sis, Bro in law Mike, newphew Troy and her new one Callie....can't wait to see you all 'round Christmas.

I went down to see Yoda today. We played 5 games of racquetball and I took him in 4 of 5. He was tired...had been up since 4am lamenting the fact that the Sedona real estate market has been consumed by its own bad self. Yoda specializes in land sales - residential and commercial - and he couldn't tell me which was worse right now.

He brought his worries to our game, and because of that I got his "b" game today. To even things out, I brought my "b" game as well but for different reasons.

The guy brings out the best in me with regards to sportsmanship, and his game is a constant reminder to me to play in control, and play smart. Back in the locker room, he again laments about the sagging market - and he's upset that he brought that to "the one place where I usually forget about everything". I know the feeling, as I get that escape from r-ball games and tough bike rides. These days, that escape is pretty important.

I had to talk to my crew about potential layoffs, cut hours, and don't even come in to my office and ask for a new logsplitter - I'll buy you an axe and a hatchet instead. Usually I catch some slack time this year, the slow season, but I can already feel the ramp up to the reality of me covering extra shifts for laid off staff. The reality is that when the money is coming in, you can afford to make mistakes and everything is still fine. When money is tight, every misstep is amplified, scrutinized - and thus my back becomes a knot of sinuous material that keeps me up at night.

Got a nice ride in Sedona planned for Saturday - and I won't even remember this blog post for those 3-4 hours of shredding the Sedona red.

Proposed New Year's Resolutions

-Spend less than $86 at Starbucks

-Get Lyza on a board and into guitar lessons

-Patent my 'garage gym' training program, self-publish a book, and sell 100 copies

-Get a newer car before August when mine turns 300K - one that screams "mid life crisis"

-Evolve this blog into an actual website

-End up on a beach in Mexico for at least a long weekend

-Podium once, or twice - age group doesn't count

-Buy something on E-bay, use it for six months, and sell it for a profit

-Wear bib straps over a white T-shirt at a state series race

-See either Sara Bareilles, The White Stripes, or Night Ranger live

11 months + 6 days.....

5:30am rolled around and I found our team campsite at the Pemberton Trailhead. I'd had a calm drive out to the venue, and I was in a very relaxed and mellow state until I opened the car door and was greeted with Tool/Korn/Slipknot......everyone was mumbling and grumbling - fer crissakes I'd have rather heard some Beck, Big Head Todd, or even Barry Manilow. Save the TOOL shit for the start line.

Anyway, still mellow as jello, I got prepared and went down to the line with my teammate C-Dub. Gooooooo! He looked strong at the start and I waited for 1:02 minutes when he came in from the 15.5 mile lap. My turn.

I went with the 2:1 gear ratio and it paid off. I felt strong, rarely spun out, and never felt like I was standing too much at all. 1:03 for me. Back to C-Dub..1:04. Back to me 1:04......and so on. 8 laps later I came in at 4:12 pm and they were only allowing people to start a final lap up until 4:30pm. We figured we were 30+ minutes up on the 4th place team, and 10+ minutes down from the 2nd place team who had already departed for lap #9. We waited at the line until they called the race - high fived - and took a slow 3 mile ride back to camp savoring the highlights of the day. No mechanicals, no injuries, consistent lap times, great weather and a ridiculously fun course that offers everything Flagstaff doesn't have.....smmoooooth crushed gravel, endless water bars to jump on downhills, banked turns and sandy washes to mosh through.

Cat: Men's Open Duo - Singlespeed
Team: Numbnutz
Number: #269 (love the irony)
Distance: 8 laps, 124 miles in 8.75 hours

So I trained, raced, spent $400+ on entry fees and traveled over 1,000 miles for 11 months and six days to get a Pint sized beer glass that says 'third place' on it. Does that even make sense? I know it makes sense to D, Big Steve, Mr. X, C-Dub, EC, and Ellsie. Just livin' the dream baby!

Sittin', thinkin', drinkin'

Put the girls to bed 'round 9pm tonight. Lyza...tired from a good day at school. D....awaiting a new crown for a molar, getting hammered by the exposed nerve. After a couple of valiums, she passed out in a better state.

Me? Out to the garage for my nightly foray into the world of pullups and back exercises. Now I'm sittin in a recliner drinkin' 24 ounces of Tecate, reading Newsweek cover to cover with my old mp3 on random. Radiohead's "High and Dry" - one of the greatest songs ever recorded - comes on and I dunno....the articles talk about transition teams, Michelle Obama, bailouts, Pirates off the coast of Somalia and somehow it all seems OK. How is today much different from, say, 40 years ago? Just different problems and for the politically correct "challenges". The parallels between FDR's transition into office compared to Barack's are strikingly similar and - inspiring.

Me and Slacker Wilkens are jacked for Saturday's Dawn 'til Dusk race in Phoenix. I slapped a 16 tooth cog on the back for a 2-1 ratio for the SS since the course is a moderate climb, rollers and down down down to the line for a 15 mile loop. The 4th lap will hurt if we get to that point. There will be a big cooler of Mexibeverages and some tasty eats. It's December for crissakes - time to train like a slacker and get some AZ sun on my milk-toast Wisconsin-looking face.

Small Town D-Bag





If you're not playing fantasy football, then you're either not a pro football fan or you're not a gambler. If you're still not playing and you ARE both of the above - then you're missing out on a good ol' time. Don't give me the "I don't have time". For fuck's sake, it takes about 15 minutes a week and I guaran-ass-tee that you'll spend more time than that because its fun! Fun I say, fun!

I got into a yahoo.com league this year with some friends, and some people from across the country that I don't know. After toying with my team name, I settled on Small Town D-Bag....paying homage to what has become a team name for several 24-hour cycling teams I've headed up. I found a picture online that suits my team name, and started typing trash-talk messages to the other teams in a redneck dialect that obviously took way too much time to craft - a dead giveaway that I'm really not a redneck, tatted-up, white trash punk. D-bag? yes I am...I'll give you that.

Anyway...phrases like: "I monna kick yer ass, n'after a victry party Ill giv the old lady a thro, n'after o'ccourse she brings me a cold one". See - way too crafted of a sentance to even be legit. The cool thing is that I totally got under one guy's skin and he kept calling me pathetic, pathetic, pathetic until he finally said "stop bothering me". See, I had rallied six other league players by telling them how to get under this guy's skin and he was tired of being bombarded by what now became the D-bag army. Ohhhh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about. Messin with this guy to the point where my ficticious D-bag character was on his mind in his dreams gives me great pleasure. He was even calling the league commissioner to whine about "why did you get this guy in the league".

"At the end of the day", Fantasy football is all about money and all that other stuff I mentioned is just the fun part of playing. I'm in contention for a $450 prize if I continue to do well. After a 1-3 start, I'm now 8-4 thanks to a couple of trades that worked out in my favor. My right hand girl at work is smack dab in the middle of the pack - playoff bound though - so we have some trash talking coming up if we meet in the playoffs.

Fantasy football - don't miss it next year.

I'm not a "quote" guy - unless they are really freakin' funny. But this one speaks volumes about the current state of our economy.

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” -Thomas Edison

There’s a nasty little three letter word that just caught me on Saturday as I was coming around a switchback high in the Flag peaks. FCK? SHT? Nope…….AGE caught me and “done kicked the shi* outta me”. I have never been one of “those guys”. You know, the dude that sits on the ground after a race and contorts himself in sweaty lyrca all the while you’re trying to enjoy a cold one….or the dude who uses a tree as leverage to pretzel himself while he talks about his race. Stretching. What a waste of time, right?

I was stoved up, and the thought of riding again on Sunday was not even an option.

The remedy was a 1.25 hour session on Dana’s massage table Sunday evening. I legitimately cried, screamed, laughed, pounded the table, and begged her to count her sequences out loud so I knew how long her elbows and forearms would be crushing my legs. Once I went through the painful interrogation of my IT band and hamstrings, I thought calves would be easy. Easy? Holy crap was I wrong. Prisoners should be interrogated this way because I was unquestionably questioning why in the hell her clients would pay for this.

Alarm at 4:45 this morning – I get up and feel…..good. Really good. Fortunately the memory is still as fresh as a bottle of Bud Light, and I am 1000% committed to spending 15 minutes after each ride – stretching – and being “one of those guys”. I promise I’ll change out of the spanducci’s first though.

7 lines about 15 hours

Blew off work today.
Rode the SS for 2.5 hours in the ridiculously quiet woods.
Spent some good time with D.
Spent some good time with Lyz.
Said goodnight.
Now I'm listening to Weezer and heading to the garage to punch my hanging meat.
Josh said that first.